The People We Meet Along The Way Page 6

  “I don’t like to come to people’s places empty-handed, so I grabbed these from the vending machine.” We both laughed. I was happy to see that she had changed into what I was assuming were her pajamas as well, pink flannel drawstring bottoms and a pink sweatshirt. She stepped inside and immediately looked over my shoulder and out onto my balcony. “Oh my God! That view!” The sun was just setting. The peach-colored sky reflected onto the lake with the trees from the Black Forest serving as the border of where the sky ended and the water began.

  “Oh wow!” I exclaimed, noticing it for the first time myself. I grabbed my phone and opened the sliding glass door. We both stepped out to the balcony into the cold and began to snap away, unable to get enough of the beautiful light show Mother Nature was providing us. As the sun faded away some more the sky burst into a magnificent shade of purple, changing the lake to the same color right before our eyes. It was the most striking sunset I had ever seen. I stood there for some time in awe, just taking it in with tears pricking my eyes. My senses seemed to renew and my head began to clear as I inhaled the cold, crisp air slowly into my lungs, then exhaled deeply. Kate seemed to be doing the same thing when I was finally able to take my eyes from the sky and glance her way. We stood there in silence for just a few more moments until the colors began to fade to total darkness.

  “If I never see another sunset again, that one would be worth it,” Kate whispered.

  A chill shot through me when I came back to reality, and realized I was standing out there with no shoes and a short-sleeved T-shirt. I hugged myself and rubbed my hands briskly down my arms before ushering us both inside.

  “Okay, I’m frozen now.” My teeth chattered.

  “Me too,” Kate agreed.

  We stepped back inside, and I reached for the wine bottle. “Well, hopefully this will warm us up.” Happy to find it was a twist off when I removed the foil, I poured us each a glass and handed Kate hers. She held it up in a toast just as I was about to take a sip of mine.

  “To many more beautiful sunsets.”

  “To many more.” I smiled as we clinked our glasses together.

  After we finished eating and polishing off the bottle of wine we began to get silly as we watched reruns of Sex in the City in German. Kate grabbed the makeup bag she had come with and pulled out a bottle of nail polish. “Will the smell bother you if I just touch up this one nail?”

  “Not at all.”

  She took me off guard when she grabbed my hand and examined my nails. “Jillian, I’m shocked that you don’t do your nails.” Little did she know up until a few weeks ago, I didn’t even bother doing my hair.

  “I just never really got into my nails. Probably because I could never be bothered with the upkeep.”

  “Nonsense. Your nails are for you. You can have perfect hair, flawless makeup, and the most stylish clothes, but you can’t see how any of that looks for yourself unless you have a mirror. But your nails, you can always look at them and see something pretty without needing to see your reflection.”

  I stared down at my stubby nails. They were like a garden that hadn’t been tended to in years. Kate pulled two bottles of polish from her bag. The first was a bright red shade that looked like the color she was wearing. The second was a pretty purple. “Now which will it be? Red Heads Ahead or Nice Set of Pipes?”

  “Hmm…” I pondered for a quick second. The red was nice and festive for Christmas, but the purple reminded me of one of the many shades in the sunset we had just seen. “Nice Set of Pipes,” I decided.

  “Nice Set of Pipes it is!” Kate shook the bottle briskly and unscrewed the top.

  I looked down at my fingers as she began to paint and was happy that I had chosen to wear my wedding band on a chain around my neck instead of my finger. I didn’t feel like answering any questions Kate might have as to where my husband was if she had seen it on my finger. I felt like I was back in high school at a sleepover with one of my friends. Conversation came so easy with Kate and so did laughter. It felt good to be getting so much enjoyment out of something so simple. We talked about our jobs. She talked about her son. We talked about places we had traveled to and places we would like to travel to.

  “They look great!” I said, examining my nails after she finished. “Guess I’m going to have to make sure I keep up on them once I get home.”

  “Most definitely!” she said, opening up the other bottle of polish and getting to work on her own nails. “So, did Theo smoke at all when you were with him the other day?” she asked as she blew on her nail.

  “Umm...” I stammered.

  “I’ll take that as a yes.” She shook her head. “He’s so hardheaded.”

  “Please don’t tell him I told you. I kind of promised him I wouldn’t say anything to you.”

  “You didn’t say anything. Your face did. It’s not like it’s hard to tell. I can smell it on his clothes.”

  “You have to admit, he is pretty amusing, though. He told me he has three women he’s stringing along.”

  “Is that all?” She laughed.

  I began to think about all the men out there. Not that I was in the market for dating, but what would happen if and when I was? Was that what I had to choose from? Womanizers who had already done the marriage thing and weren’t looking for a commitment. I had the perfect guy. He was adorable with a personality to match, and I threw it all away, long before he even passed away. I disposed of him and our marriage like a spoiled child who didn’t get her way the moment things didn’t go as planned. I would never in a million years find another Evan. Tears trickled down my face, and I tried to wipe them away without them being noticed, but it was too late. Kate averted her gaze from her nails to me.

  “I’m so sorry. I’ve just been an emotional mess lately. Must be getting close to that time of the month.” I swiped my forearm across my eyes, trying to pull it together. But when Kate covered my hand with hers, I couldn’t keep it in any longer. “I was just thinking I had such a great guy, and I lost him. We were married for nine years, and I treated him so badly the last few years. I didn’t realize it until it was too late, and now he’s dead.” I sobbed.

  “Shh…” Kate flung her arm around my shoulders, and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Jillian.” Her voice so sincere. Over the past few months I had heard those two words—I’m sorry said over and over again, always sounding so clichéd when they came off the lips of others. But as Kate spoke them they seemed genuine, like she was truly sorry for me, someone who she had just gotten to know over the past few days, and also sorry for the loss of my husband—a man she had never met.

  CHAPTER 8

  MY TIME WAS winding down, and we had reached the last hotel where we’d be staying. It didn’t have the charm or the breathtaking lake view of the Black Forest like the last hotel. Instead it was much more modern, catering to the business traveler and overlooking the Rhine River. The tradeoff for me out of all of the other places we had been was the Christmas market. They had truly saved the best for last. Mainz Christmas market was like walking into a fairy tale. Beautiful church steeples peeking into the backdrop, castle-like buildings, and two carrousels all adorned in beautiful white lights. In fact, everywhere you looked was a sea of lights. The sweet smell of oranges and spices drifting in the air as you neared the glühwein stands seemed to be a lot more intense than any of the other markets we had been to, adding to the Christmas magic this market seemed to possess.

  DeAndre had gone back to the hotel to FaceTime with Louis, while I stayed at the market, savoring in every last minute we had to spend there. I had spent a good deal of time at a jewelry stand I had found and also spent a lot of money there as well. I found several unique handmade ornaments, some I purchased for myself and some as souvenirs for others.

  After I had gotten shopping out of my system, I just walked around, taking everything in. I wanted to memorize every last detail of this place, so when I was back at home I could close my eyes and feel like I was here once again. The sounds,
the smells, the magic. I wanted to bottle it all up and pour myself a glass of it from time to time when I needed it. As I stood off to the side and people watched, I wondered what it would be like to pick up and start over in a different place where no one else knew you. A place to reinvent yourself into the person you wanted to be and help you forget about the person you once were. It seemed alluring and terrifying all at the same time. “I thought that was you,” a familiar voice came up from behind me.

  “Theo.” I smiled. It was as if I was given a reminder that I wasn’t here alone. “Is Kate here?”

  “No, she’s back at the hotel, packing. You know, she can’t just throw her dirty clothes in the suitcase like the rest of us, they need to be folded just so.”

  I laughed, even though my heart was aching a little just thinking about leaving in the morning. We had our farewell dinner a few hours prior where I said my goodbyes to everyone on the tour, but Theo and Kate were going to be my hardest farewell. I took comfort in the fact that DeAndre would be on my flight home, and he was close enough where we could meet up for lunch or dinner every now and then. But Kate and Theo would be an ocean away, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a soft spot in my heart for both of them. Kate was like the friend I always yearned for in life. Sure, I had my friend Aimee, but sometime over the years, I found myself confiding in her less and less about things that mattered most to me. She had a life of her own, and I didn’t want to intrude on that life. Her husband and kids were her number one priority as they should’ve been. My draw to Theo was so much harder to explain. He was adorable, flaws and all, there was no denying that. The way he had taken over and become Kate’s caretaker when she was younger and the way he still looked out for her now was beyond commendable. He was so easy to talk to, and like his sister, he made me feel comfortable in his presence right away.

  “I guess we’re the last of the stragglers not ready to say goodbye to this place.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, it truly is remarkable. Isn’t it?” He titled his head up to the lights hanging overhead. “Hey, did you want to check out that beer hall that Nino had told us about earlier?”

  “The one they allow smoking in?” I raised an eyebrow and smirked.

  “Really? I must’ve missed that part when he told us about it.” He tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably.

  “Sure, maybe after a few beers I’ll forget all about the secondhand smoke coating my lungs.”

  “That’s the spirit.” He beamed, taking me a little by surprise when he linked his arm in mine and we ambled on.

  When we reached the beer hall, we took a seat at the end of the long picnic-style table, and Theo ordered us each a beer. We struck up conversation with a German couple who sat at the end of our table, then two Australian guys who took their place once they had left. Each set of table mates had mistaken us for husband and wife. Theo of course took great pleasure in messing with them and making them believe it was true. He actually had the German woman believing I was a mail-order bride. He was even funnier once he had gotten a few beers in him. He had a contagious sense of humor and wasn’t afraid to use it to initiate conversation with new people.

  By the time we were walking back to the hotel it was well after midnight. I couldn’t remember how many beers we drank or how much secondhand smoke I had inhaled, and I didn’t care. It had been such a great night and my stomach was still hurting from laughing so much. We crossed the main road and walked along the river. The fog coming off the water was thick and the moonless night made it almost impossible to see two feet in front of you. “I’m really gonna be sad to leave tomorrow. I had such a great time,” I said as we trekked slowly along.

  “Yeah, it was a lot of fun. I’ll have to thank Kate for talking me into going,” Theo replied. “I just thought of something. I don’t even know your surname.”

  “Oh, I don’t know, do I even have a surname?”

  Theo let out a boisterous chuckle. “Of course you do unless you’re like a famous diva and only go by Jillian.”

  “Oh!” I finally caught on that surname was the same as last name. “It’s O’Rourke. Well, actually O’Rourke was my husband’s last name. My maiden name was Lawrence.” It had been so long since I went by Lawrence, it almost sounded weird to hear my name paired with it. “So, I’m assuming since Kate’s last…I mean surname is Sutton, then yours is too?”

  “That would be correct.” He stopped and peered out at the water just as there was a little break in the fog. We stood in silence for a few seconds before Theo began to speak again. “So, Jillian Lawrence O’Rourke, how did your husband pass away?”

  I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol he had consumed over the past few hours or if he was reaching a new level of comfort with me that gave him the courage to ask that question.

  “He was in a car accident.” My reply came off my lips with such ease, which had me questioning my newfound courage in answering him. Was it all of the beer I had drunk or was I feeling much more at ease with him as well?

  “Wow. That had to have been awful for you.”

  “It was. It still is.” The familiar painful lump began to ball up in my throat, but I willed myself to continue. “We weren’t exactly in a good place when…” I sucked in a deep breath. “When he died. We were separated.” I turned to face him, only making out his features slightly in the darkness. “I was actually supposed to be on this trip with him, believe it or not. We had always talked about doing it for years. We planned it over a year ago, perhaps thinking it would fix us. But the truth was I think we were broken beyond repair, a long while before that.” The first teardrop rolled down my face, burning my freezing cold skin. “I’m so sorry. I’m sure the last thing you feel like listening to is me blubbering on about my life.” I wiped my face dry with the back of my gloved hand.

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to listen.” He took my other hand in his and I was shrouded in warmth and strength. A strength to speak about Evan and that night. A night I had wanted to tuck away and forget…until now. I closed my eyes, remembering the pain in his eyes. The last thing about him that would be imbedded in my memory forever.

  “Jillian, I have so much to say to you, but the one thing I need you to know is that I love you more than anything in this world and these past few months of being without you…they made me realize how much I need you. I want to try to make this work. I don’t care about having kids. Can we just be happy with being a family of two? Just me and you?”

  It had been the first time since we had separated that Evan had ever opened up and told me how he was really feeling. He was always so busy with work that I had become an afterthought. He reeked of alcohol and I knew that it had a lot to do with his admission. “I…I—” He stopped my words by pressing his lips against mine and kissing me in a way I hadn’t experienced since our early years of marriage.

  “Evan, stop!” I pulled away. “This isn’t really you talking. It’s the alcohol. You’re going to wake up tomorrow and feel differently.”

  “No, I won’t. Don’t you get it? I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

  I loved him too with everything I had, but he had already lost me, and as much as I wanted him to find me again, I wasn’t sure if that would be possible. “I love you too, but I also need to be honest with you.” I swallowed hard, choosing my words carefully, debating my own sanity for getting ready to speak them, but I couldn’t keep it inside any longer. My guilt was eating away at me. “Evan, I—I slept with someone else.” The hope that was in his glassy eyes morphed into sadness, then pain, finally stopping at anger. “I’m so sorry. After I lost the baby, I needed you here. I needed to know that it was going to be okay, and you took off and went on your stupid business trip like it was no big deal.” I went to take his hand and he yanked it away. “I’m not making excuses for what I did. I’m not. But I guess I was just so angry at you for acting as if it was nothing.”

  “So, you wanted to punish me?” He raised his vo
ice.

  “No,” I replied even though I knew that maybe there was a little truth to that.

  He shook his head and took a few steps back. “I was stupid for coming here tonight to tell you how I felt. So stupid!”

  “Evan, please don’t leave. Stay here tonight. Don’t drive like this. Please,” I begged. “We’ll talk about this tomorrow and—”

  “There’s nothing to talk about! You want a divorce and that’s what you’ll get.”

  “No, Evan. That’s not what I want…I want to talk. I want—”

  “I don’t care what you want anymore. It’s what I want now!” he shouted. He took his house key off his key chain and hurled it across the kitchen, then stormed out, slamming the door behind him. I looked down at the bouquet of daisies on the table that he had carried under his arm when he walked through the door earlier, and it hit me all at once. After months of thinking I had it all figured out, I had finally come to my senses and realized I hadn’t. I had let the greatest thing that had ever happened to me walk out the door. My last thoughts as I went to bed that night was that we’d work things out. We would get past this somehow and be happy together—just the two of us.

  By the time I finished telling Theo my sad story, I was a sobbing mess. He pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back, putting me at ease just like his sister had a few nights ago. “My last memory of him. The last thing on his mind when he died was that his wife was a cheater. I was the reason he got in the car that night drunk. I was the reason he veered off the road and crashed into that tree. I’m the reason he’s dead, the same way as if I held a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.”