When Autumn Ends Read online

“Jenna, I’m really sorry for butting into your business like that, but I just couldn’t stand seeing him put his hands on you.”

  “It’s okay, Ethan.”

  “No. It’s not okay for him to treat you like that.”

  “I know that, and I’m not with him anymore, so that will never happen again.”

  “Jenna, you know that’s not acceptable at all, no matter who you’re with...don’t allow the next guy to treat you that way.”

  “Yes. I know. I’m not dumb. I’d never stick around and be someone’s punching bag.” She took my hand in hers and moved closer. “Thank you for coming to my rescue. It really did mean a lot.”

  I shook my head and looked away. “It just reminded me so much of my father and my mother.”

  “I’m sorry, Ethan.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

  Her deep-brown eyes penetrated into mine, and I was unable to look away. My head lowered to hers, and she stretched her neck to meet me until I finally felt her warm, soft lips on mine. It was brief and soft, but it was packed with more depth, more emotion, and more passion than any kiss I’d ever experienced in my life. Her hands moved up my back and something inside me ignited. I pushed her against the wall, parting her lips with my tongue. She kissed me back, matching my eagerness. My hands moved up her shirt and under her bra, skimming the bare skin of her breasts. She feverishly undid the buttons on my pants as my tongue trailed down her neck.

  It had been well over a year since I had sex, and being with Jenna made me realize how much my body was craving a woman’s touch. Her hands found their way under my boxers and I let out a pleasurable gasp. Our lips remained intact as we slid down to the floor and I lifted her shirt over her head, removing her bra and finding her breast with my mouth. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted her so bad, but I had to speak up before we went any further.

  “Jenna?” I peered up at her. “I’m leaving tomorrow.”

  She bit her bottom lip before taking my face in her hands. “Well, then I guess we better make the most of the time we have.” Her eyes told a different story than the forced smile on her face. She stood up and reached for my hand, leading me up to her bedroom. We stood in front of the bed and our lips met once again. When she took a step back to undress, my eyes were unable to look away from her beautiful naked body. She moved closer and tugged on my pants, allowing them to fall to the floor. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to stop the fire she’d set inside of me, but I needed reassurance that she knew this probably wasn’t going any further than tonight.

  “Jenna, I just don’t want you—”

  “Will you just be quiet? We’re wasting valuable time.” She smiled once again, this time a little more convincing than before.

  I smiled back and honored her request, making every single second count as we got lost in each other over and over again.

  ***

  “You’re shivering,” Jenna whispered as we lay together naked in each other’s arms, coming down from the sexual high we’d been in for the last few hours.

  “It’s just—it’s been a while since I felt like this.”

  She brushed her lips across my chest and pulled up the blanket. I drew her closer and kissed the top of her head. I knew now more than ever that she wasn’t like every other girl, and I was foolish for thinking I could have sex with her and just pretend like it never happened in the morning. But she deserved so much better, someone who could give their heart freely to her, the same way she gave hers to others. She’d never be happy with what I had to offer and once she realized that, she’d be gone from my life, the same way everything else that mattered to me was. I closed my eyes, feeling so at ease as her warm, soft hands glided down my back, wishing we could stay in the moment forever.

  “That was pretty amazing.” She looked up at me and grinned.

  Amazing didn’t even begin to describe what being with her was like. She nuzzled into my shoulder, and I played with her hair, chuckling when she stopped talking mid-sentence and I looked down to find her fast asleep. As good as she made me feel, I was still having some regrets over allowing this to happen. She’d awoken every part of me physically, but she’d also stirred something up in me emotionally, something that had been dead inside of me for a long time, and it scared me half to death.

  Chapter 17

  Jenna

  I DIDN’T WANT TO LOOK AT the time. I knew I’d slept in much too late, but I didn’t want to leave the safety of Ethan’s arms that were wrapped around me either. I pulled the covers and gently lifted his arm, carefully crawling out of bed to not disturb him. I slipped my clothes on and stared down at the perfect, naked man lying in my bed. He looked so at peace, so happy, and I was hoping what we’d shared together had something to do with it. My heart sank, knowing he’d be leaving in a few hours. I appreciated his honesty in making it clear to not expect anything from him after this, and I was okay with that…at least I thought maybe I could be. But the truth was, I was going to miss him, and after what we’d shared, it was going to make it even harder to watch him go. How stupid was I to believe I could think like a guy and dismiss all feelings after being intimate? But I knew from the beginning he was different. His heart was guarded, and he’d never relinquish it that easy, especially not to someone like me. As much as I wanted to think of him as only Ethan Banks, there was a whole different side to him, one that came with fame and success. Even though he never revealed that part of his life to me, I knew he was only here to recharge and maybe find his writing mojo once again. Once he left, he’d more than likely go back to being Jonathan Reed, bestselling author, and Ethan Banks and everything associated with him would become a distant memory.

  I didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wasn’t even gone yet, and I was missing him already. I went into the bathroom, threw some water on my face, and brushed my teeth before heading down to the kitchen for a little therapy. The delightful aroma of vanilla and sweet cinnamon soon overtook the kitchen. I smiled as I fixed my creation on the plate. My French toast would definitely be on the breakfast menu once I was open for business.

  “Hey, perfect timing!” I couldn’t hold back my smile as Ethan stood in the kitchen doorway, his hair all disheveled, still looking half asleep, but absolutely adorable. “Have a seat and be my guinea pig.”

  “Jenna, you didn’t have to—”

  “Sit!” I took his hand and led him to the kitchen table. He took a seat, and I placed a cup of coffee in front of him and then the French toast. “Good?” I asked once he took a bite.

  “Very,” he replied.

  “Now, I can say you were my first unofficial guest.” I sat down across from him and took a sip of my coffee. His eyes met mine with sadness. “I’ll never regret last night, so please don’t think we did anything wrong. It was…perfect.”

  He nodded and took another bite of his food. I studied him carefully, wanting to remember every detail of his beautiful face, my heart breaking a little more with each passing glance. A deep burn invaded my stomach when he got up and carried his plate to the sink. This was it. No more waiting in anticipation to see him each day, no more two-hour trips to the hardware store while he’d patiently sit with me as I tried to make a decision, and no more deep conversations that were normally one-sided—me spewing my problems to him. Funny how in just a few weeks’ time, he’d become such a big part of my life.

  “Since I really hate goodbyes,” I said once we reached the door, “I’m just going to leave it like this. It was an absolute pleasure to have met you, Ethan Banks, and I cannot thank you enough for everything you’ve done to help me out.”

  “I’m the one who should be thanking you, Jenna.”

  “Thanking me? I didn’t even do anything.”

  He pressed his lips on my forehead. “You did more for me than you’ll ever know,” he whispered.

  I swallowed the baseball-sized lump in my throat, frantically fighting with the stinging in my eyes. I couldn’t cry in front of him. I wouldn’t
. I wanted him to leave without any guilt about what had happened between us. I gave his hand one last gentle squeeze before kissing him softly on the cheek, then he walked out the door, leaving a permanent mark in my heart.

  ***

  The next few days spent painting proved futile in my attempt to cease any more thoughts of Ethan. Taking a much-needed break, I decided on a walk on the beach to try and settle my mind. The gray sky and the brisk wind matched my mood perfectly. It was starting to feel like winter even though there was still a little more than a month of autumn left. I zipped up my jacket and buried my hands deep inside my pockets as I stared out at the ocean, my heart feeling a lot like the shoreline as the fierce waves battered it over and over again. It was crazy to be feeling this way. Ethan was just a rebound to help me move on to the next serious relationship in my life, the same way I’m sure I was to him. But every time I closed my eyes, I’d feel his lips all over my body and the warmth of him inside me. My heart raced and my stomach tingled when I replayed what we’d shared in my head. I walked a little farther down the beach before deciding to head back. I froze when I turned around, certain that my mind was playing tricks on me. That man standing just a few feet from me with his hands in his pockets, staring at me so intently couldn’t have been Ethan—but it was.

  We approached each other in matching steps, neither one of us saying a word. We were finally a few inches apart, and I couldn’t resist looping my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the ground and our lips meshed together.

  “What are you doing here?” I whispered once he put me down.

  He gazed out at the ocean. “I forgot something.” He finally set his attention on me.

  “What did you forget?” I creased my eyebrows in confusion.

  “I-umm…I have this thing tomorrow night.” He pushed his fingers through his hair. “And I was wondering if you’d like to go with me.”

  My heart soared from my chest and my stomach danced. “I-I would love to go with you, but you could have just called and asked instead of driving all the way back.”

  “Yeah, well, I spent the past few days trying to get my head together. And I realized I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

  My eyes widened. This was the most he’d ever expressed his feelings since I’d met him, and it was huge. “Really?” I whispered.

  He nodded and looked away.

  “Well, Ethan Banks, I’d love to go to this thing with you.” I moved my hands and placed them on his freezing cold cheeks. “And, just to let you know…I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you either.”

  A slow, reassured smile spread across his face. I smiled back and brushed my lips to his. His tongue slipped into my mouth, turning my sweet little kiss into so much more.

  “I think it’s a little too late for you to head back now, don’t you?” I asked, with our foreheads pressed together once our kiss had ended.

  He nodded. “There’s just one problem.”

  “What’s that?” I asked, moving his hair from his face.

  “I don’t have any place to stay.” He grinned.

  I laughed. “I think I know the perfect place. Come on, I’ll show you.”

  He wrapped his arm around my waist, and we walked off the beach. It all seemed like a dream to me—a dream from which I never wanted to awaken.

  Chapter 18

  Ethan

  AFTER GORGING MYSELF ON Jenna’s delicious dinner, we sat in front of the fireplace with a glass of wine. I studied the dancing flames, feeling like I was right where I was supposed to be at that moment.

  “So, what’s this thing I’m attending with you?”

  “It’s a surprise. I can’t tell you until you get there.” I didn’t want to freak her out by telling her it was the Annual Writers’ Award Dinner that I was being summoned to by my publishing company. Not only because she was trying to forget her past life in the publishing industry, but also because I’d then have to explain to her who I really was, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. I wanted to have one more night with her as the real me.

  “Well, can you at least tell me what I need to wear and where it’s going to be?”

  “Formal and in the city.”

  “New York City?”

  “What other city is there?” I joked.

  “Okay, I can handle that.” She raised an eyebrow and smirked. She was so easygoing. Most women would have freaked with being given less than twenty-four hours to ready themselves for an event they knew nothing about, but Jenna handled it all in stride.

  I leaned over, unable to resist the urge to kiss her. She kissed me back just as eagerly. After tonight, the jig would be up, and Jenna would know me the same way everyone else did, and I could only hope she’d be okay with it. But I wouldn’t allow any of those thoughts to cloud my head, just for tonight. I was going to make love to her one last time as Ethan Banks.

  ***

  “Ethan, this room is gorgeous!” Jenna exclaimed as she plopped down on the oversized bed of the Junior Suite of the Plaza Hotel.

  “I’m glad you approve.” I grinned as I put down my bag and hung up my suit.

  “Come sit down.” She tapped on the mattress. “We still have a few hours before we have to get ready. You must be tired after that long drive, and considering we didn’t get much sleep last night.” She pressed her forehead into mine. “Let’s take a nap.”

  I was exhausted, but I was too nervous about tonight and having to bare my soul to Jenna. The last thing I wanted was to scare her away once she found out what my life really entailed.

  She bent down and removed my shoes and crawled back on the bed. “Lie down with me,” she requested.

  I lay down next to her and as her hand slid up my shirt, she gently traced her fingertips across my bare back. It was only a matter of minutes before I gave into my sleepiness.

  “Hey, you.”

  I awoke to find Jenna sitting on the side of the bed with her long, dark, wavy hair pulled back on the top, showing off her beautiful face that had just a hint more makeup than she normally wore.

  “What time is it?” I asked, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

  “Five thirty. You said we need to leave here by six thirty, so I figured that would give you an hour to get ready. The bathroom is all yours. I just need to get dressed.” She stood up and instantly awoke something else in me at the sight of her with just a towel wrapped around her.

  I got up and walked behind her while she stood in front of the mirror brushing makeup on to her face. “I think you better get dressed if we want to get out of here on time.”

  She let out a loud laugh and turned around. “The cold water works good in that shower,” she teased, tapping my nose with her makeup brush and walking over to the closet. “So, are you planning on telling me what this is for before we go, or are you gonna spring it on me when we get there?”

  “I’ll have to think about that while I’m taking a shower.”

  “And you say I can’t make a decision!” she shouted as I walked into the bathroom.

  I was no closer in deciding how I was going to tell her by the time I was done showering than I was when I first got in. I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist, freezing in place when I walked out of the bathroom and gazed at Jenna, standing in front of the full-length mirror in a red off-the-shoulder dress that looked like it was made just for her. She’d catapulted from the beautiful girl I always knew she was to the most gorgeous woman I’d ever laid eyes on.

  “Is this okay?” She faced me, and I wondered how she could possibly have any doubt over the reflection that had just been staring back at her in the mirror.

  “You look…beautiful,” I replied inching closer to her, inhaling the woodsy scent of her perfume, intensifying my want for her even more. I swallowed hard, knowing it was now or never. She’d come all this way to go to this dinner with me. I at least owed her the truth. “Sit down for a minute.”

  She followed me to the bed and took a seat next to me. />
  “Jenna, umm...the reason I never told you what I did for a living was because I was trying to escape from it.”

  She bit her bottom lip and listened intently.

  “I’m a writer, and I know that’s probably the last thing you want to hear, given your former career.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “I’m sorry. I should have told you before, but I didn’t think things would get this—”

  She placed her finger over my lips to stop me from talking. “Your first novel was Burn. It immediately shot to the New York Times bestseller list and you’ve sold over twenty million copies within the first two years of publication. You hate being compared to other writers in your genre and do your best writing while listening to Tchaikovsky.”

  My eyes narrowed. “You knew? Why didn’t you say something?”

  “Because the guy I came to know and care for is Ethan Banks, not Jonathan Reed. The rest of the world can have the famous writer. I’m happy with just you.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was glad that she’d allow me to be myself or upset because she never told me she knew. I was silent, trying to gather my thoughts.

  “I just found out a few days ago when my friend Amelia saw you. Some editor I am. I didn’t even recognize one of the most famous writers of our time. I didn’t say anything to you because I figured if you wanted to tell me you would. I meant it when I told you I’m not going to push for anything from you. Please don’t be angry with me.”

  How did she know how to see right through me and read my thoughts?

  “I’m not angry,” I replied.

  “So, this event tonight. It’s work-related, I take it?”

  “It’s the Writers’ Award Dinner.”

  Her eyes widened. “Wow!” she whispered. Her face paled, and I hated that I’d put her in the spot she was in right now.

  “Jenna, please don’t be nervous.”

  “I-I-I’m not…I mean, I am. Kinda. This is like the Academy Awards of the book world. I remember the big wigs at my old publishing company pulling out all the stunts to try and get an invite to this event, only to be snubbed in the end. What would they say if they knew little old Jenna Delaney was attending as Jonathan Reed’s date?” She stood up and paced back and forth.