A Right to Remain Read online

  “Okay, I have to make a few phone calls, so come up and get me when you’re done.”

  “Okay,” I responded, strapping on Gus’ collar and leash while he did his happy dance at the prospect of going for a walk.

  Quinn followed me out and headed up to his place, while Gus and I headed into the woods. The bright sun was welcoming and helping to fight off the bitter cold January air. Once we got moving a little faster and my blood began circulating, I began to warm up a little more. I tried to clear my head like I always would during mine and Gus’ walks, but it was of no use. It was jam-packed with thoughts that wouldn’t allow me to ignore them. My relationship with Camille was still demanding my attention. I was still beating myself up with trying to remain loyal to her and at the same time to Quinn, and with each passing day I was feeling worse and worse over it. Then there was the whole legal mumbo-jumbo of selling Aaron’s half of the business. The lawyer has started the proceedings, and I knew it was just a matter of time before I would need to have some type of communication with Adam. After hearing Quinn’s theory on him and thinking about it long and hard, Adam was the last person I felt like dealing with. My mind was constantly going at warp speed. I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing because maybe it kept me from dwelling on the really scary thoughts I had been suppressing, like who had been stalking me? Who was this girl the police were now looking into? My chest began to burn as I inhaled the freezing cold air, trying to chase away those last two things from my mind.

  Once we reached the lake, I let Gus off the leash to sniff around while I stared out at the frozen water and the barren trees. Even in the dead of winter this place was beautiful. Was it because it reminded me so much of Quinn? When I could no longer feel my ears, I grabbed my hat from my pocket and placed it on my head, becoming fully focused on the winter-like scene in front of me. In a few more months the trees would awaken from their slumber and sprout their beautiful green leaves. The water would be moving freely once again. The birds would be singing their beautiful melody, and the deer would be out in abundance foraging for food. Everything would slowly awaken like it would every year, a lot like how I was beginning to wake after being in a haze for two long years. And it had everything to do with Quinn. The salt from the teardrop trickling down my face burned the cold skin of my cheek. I didn’t want to think of what would happen if Quinn found out about my history with Camille and the secret I knew about her. If he did, would I be going back into my internal hibernation forever? I sucked in a deep breath and shook my head, trying to ward off any thoughts of that ever happening. Out of all the worries on my mind, that was the one that scared me the most.

  “Lacey.” I jumped at the sound of Quinn’s voice. I was so deep in thought I hadn’t even heard him coming up behind me.

  “Oh God, you scared me!” I gasped, holding my hand over my heart.

  “Yeah, well, you scared me too. Gus was wandering around outside the house, and I thought something happened.”

  “Oh, shit, Gus. Where—”

  “He’s fine. I put him inside.”

  “God, I was really zoned out, I guess. It just looks so pretty out here.”

  “Yeah, it does.” He gave a quick glance out at the lake before turning his attention back to me. “Are you ready to go?”

  “Oh...yeah,” I responded, still a little unsure over meeting this mysterious person.

  He grabbed my hand and helped me up the embankment. We walked in silence until we made it out of the woods. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Why did it look like you were crying?”

  “Just cold, I guess.” I hoped I was coming off as believable as I ran inside to get my purse. “Sorry for not paying attention to you, Gus.” I gave him a quick pat on the head and was back outside, hopping into Quinn’s truck.

  My nerves were getting the best of me as we got closer to the coffee shop. Quinn reached over the seat and gripped my hand, picking up on my anxiety. “Come on,” he whispered when we finally arrived. I slid out of the truck and took his hand. My head was down as we walked down the street hand and hand. I hated that I was afraid to look at anyone in this town when I was with Quinn for fear they would see me as some sort of home wrecker. As hard as I tried to stop thinking of myself that way, I couldn’t help it. I smiled once we came upon one of my favorite places. I had discovered this quaint little coffee shop during one of my very first trips to town when I had first moved here. Gus and I would spend many Saturday afternoons sitting in the outside café style seating area, taking in the late summer sun while I sipped on iced cappuccino. I remembered how I would sit there and people watch. The women going in and out of the beauty salon next door, the men filling up their pick-up trucks with supplies at the hardware store across the street for their weekend projects. The whole time, I would wonder if any of them were as lonely and terrified as I was. So much had changed in just a few short months. I was now a lot less lonely, and a little less terrified. We walked inside and the heavenly aroma of freshly brewed coffee immediately put a smile on my face. I looked around to find the place almost empty, just an older couple sipping on coffee and reading the paper. Since neither one acknowledged our presence, I doubted that was who we were meeting.

  “Lacey! Where have you been?” Jane, the older woman who owned the shop asked. She and I had hit it off very well since the first day I had come in. She was a huge dog lover and we bonded over Gus.

  “Oh, I’ve just been busy.”

  “Well, where’s my furry friend?” she asked.

  “I left him at home today. Oh, ummm…Jane, this is my—” God, how I hated this. Why was it so hard for me to refer to Quinn as my boyfriend?

  “I’m Quinn.” He stepped right in, extending his hand to Jane. I could feel my face burning over the awkwardness of the moment, and I was hoping Quinn didn’t notice.

  “Well, of course I know who you are! You’re Camille and Samuel’s son, and you let me go years ago when you pulled me over for speeding. Thank you again for that.” She smiled.

  “Oh, you’re welcome.” Quinn smiled back.

  “So, what can I get you kids?” she asked.

  “I’ll have a cappuccino, and Quinn will have your manliest cup of coffee you got.” I giggled.

  “Oh, so you like it strong?” Jane grinned.

  “The stronger the better.”

  “Well then, I got something for you.”

  We took a seat after she prepared our coffee, and I couldn’t control my anxiety as I bounced my leg up and down. “Lacey.” Quinn raised his eyebrow at me.

  “I know, but you know how much I hate surprises and where is this person anyway?” I asked, turning my head in the direction of the door.

  “Will you relax? It’s not even noon yet.”

  I let out a deep sigh and took a sip of my cappuccino, wishing I had ordered it in decaf instead with the way my nerves were feeling. My stomach dropped at the sound of the bells on the door, and I felt a smile rush to my face when I looked up to find Neil entering. “Hey, Neil!” I exclaimed, relieved to see a familiar face, only prolonging my torture of the mystery guest.

  He nodded as he cautiously approached us.

  “Neil, this is...my boyfriend, Quinn.” I smiled inwardly, proud of myself for finally being able to say it out loud to someone. I creased my eyebrows in confusion when neither one of them said a word to the other, and Neil took a seat at the table with us. A knot formed in my stomach. I was totally baffled by this, and I needed someone to start explaining what was going on right away.

  “Lacey, I met Neil last night,” Quinn started.

  “Where?” My voice wavered.

  He looked at Neil as if he was asking for his approval to continue. When Neil nodded at him, Quinn began to speak again. “Last night when I got called into work, it was because they caught someone pulling out of my driveway in the middle of the night. It was Neil.”

  “Wha-what?” I asked, backing my chair farther away from him. “Were you the one who was stalking me?”
My heart began to race. How could I have been so naïve? I had always been so nice to Neil. Had he mistaken my kindness for something else? My stomach burned. If he was the one who was doing it, was he the one who… I couldn’t even fathom the thought of it as I struggled to breathe.

  Quinn placed his hand on my back, trying to help me through what was the start of a panic attack. I was no stranger to these, but I hadn’t dealt with one in a while and this was a big one. “Lacey, listen to me.” Quinn’s tone was calm and gentle. “It’s not what you think, I promise. Just breathe.” He moved closer and began to rub small circles on my back. “It’s okay, Lacey, I promise,” he whispered, while I tried to get my breathing under control.

  “Lacey,” Neil finally spoke after clearing his throat. “It was me, but I wasn’t stalking you. I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you were okay.”

  I lifted my head and allowed my tear-filled eyes to meet his, which seemed to be emitting as much emotion as I was feeling. “Why?” I snapped. “Why the hell would you care if I was okay? I hardly even know you! You know nothing about me!” My voice rose in anger.

  He looked straight ahead and his eyes began to glaze over. He swallowed hard and looked over at Quinn, who gave him a nod of approval.

  “Quinn, what the hell is going on?” I demanded.

  “Lacey, I’m your father.”

  I turned my attention from Quinn and stared blankly into Neil’s eyes, trying to register his words. “Excuse me?”

  “I’m sorry, Lacey. I know I should have come clean with you.”

  “You’re not my father. My mother didn’t even know who my father was…so you’re a liar!”

  “No, Lacey, I’m not lying. I swear to God, I am. Your name…”

  “What about it?” I barked.

  “Lacey. It was part of your mom’s name and part of my last name. Layla and Clancey.”

  I shook my head, not wanting to believe it, even if it was making sense. He could have just been some psycho who knew my mother back in the day and was making this all up. “No, no, no…you’re not my father. My grandmother—”

  “Your grandmother hated me, Lacey. She made me stay out of your life or she was going to charge me with statutory rape because I was eighteen and your mother was sixteen, but I did care about your mother very much. I wanted to be part of your life. I really did.” He reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture of a young couple holding a baby. When I picked it up and took a closer look there was no denying the girl in the picture was my mother, and as I examined the guy further, it was definitely a much younger version of Neil with hair.

  I closed my eyes, trying desperately to pull it together. “Why didn’t you ever try to find me? My mother died when I was fourteen years old. Why didn’t you try to have a relationship with me back then when I needed you?”

  He shook his head, looking totally defeated. “I don’t have an answer for that, Lacey, other than I was stupid and selfish. I let alcohol and drugs rule my life for a really long time and nothing else seemed to matter. I thought about you a lot, and I would tell myself you were better off without me. I suppose that was to make myself feel better about what I was doing. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when I finally decided I wanted to get clean for good that I thought long and hard about the mistakes I made in life, and giving up on a relationship with my daughter was the biggest one. I don’t expect you to welcome me with open arms, and the last thing I wanted to do was scare you after everything you’ve been through.”

  My eyes widened. “Yo-you know about that?” I whispered. He nodded and I took a deep breath, turning my attention to Quinn. “How could you have told him?”

  “Lacey, he didn’t tell me anything.” Neil rushed to his defense. “When I decided I wanted to find you, it happened to come up in the research I was doing.”

  Of course it did. Lacey Sullivan, rape victim. That’s how any Internet search would portray me. What those Internet searches failed to say was: poor, pathetic, Lacey Sullivan watched her husband die and then let the monster that did it to him rape her because she was weak and vulnerable. She couldn’t save her husband, and she couldn’t save herself from the living hell she was destined to live every day of her life after. I pulled my bottom lip in and closed my eyes, trying to fight off the tears. “Well, I’m sorry you went out of your way to find me, but I have nothing else to say to you. I did just fine without you growing up, and I’ll do fine without you now. I don’t need you, and I don’t want you in my life.” I got up and pushed my chair under the table, trying to ignore the sadness in his eyes as I turned around and walked out the door. The tears streamed down my face as soon as I stepped outside. I walked as fast as my legs would carry me. I didn’t know where I was going, but I knew I had to get as far away from that coffee shop as possible.

  “Lacey!” Quinn shouted, finally catching up with me.

  “How could you have blindsided me like that?” I shouted as I continued walking at my rapid pace.

  “Lacey, I’m sorry. You needed to know, but I didn’t feel like it was my place to tell you.”

  “Oh, so you thought I’d take that news better coming from someone who is basically a stranger to me?” I asked, stopping dead in my tracks.

  “He’s your father, Lacey.”

  “No, Quinn! He’s not! He was just one of the many guys my mother had sex with. The only difference was she ended up getting pregnant by him. He’s no more a father than any of the other guys she slept with. He was a sperm donor…that’s it! A father is there for their child through all the ups and downs. They don’t show up twenty-nine years later just to alleviate their own guilt.”

  “Lacey, I get what you’re saying, but maybe what he’s saying is true. Maybe your grandmother—”

  “Don’t!” I pointed my finger at him. “Don’t you dare try and blame her for his lack of presence in my life. She was more of a mother and a father to me than he or my so-called mother could have ever been!”

  “Okay, okay.” He held his hands up in defeat. “I’m not saying you have to accept him in your life now, but, Lacey, I know you have a good heart, and I know you try to see the good in everyone.” He reached down and grabbed my hands, pressing his forehead into mine. “Maybe once this all sinks in, you can look deep inside that heart of yours and try and find a little forgiveness.”

  “Can you just take me home?” I asked, totally ignoring him.

  “Sure.” He went to take my hand, and I snatched it away. I hopped in his truck, and we drove in total silence. Once we arrived home, I got out of his truck and went inside without saying a word, while he went up to his place. I couldn’t even say I was angry at Quinn for not telling me. I was more in shock over the whole thing, and I wanted to be alone so I could come to terms with it on my own without any outside influence. I decided to crash on the couch for a few minutes to try and clear my thoughts, only to find my heavy eyelids had another idea in store as I finally gave into the sleepiness and drifted off to sleep.

  I shot up from the couch at the sound of the knocking on my front door, followed by Gus’ relentless barking. Rubbing my stiff neck, I looked down at my watch. Three hours? I had fallen asleep for three hours? I immediately became angry at myself for allowing that to happen. “Okay, Gus…I’m getting it!” I scolded as he circled around my feet.

  I looked through the peephole to find not a person on the other side, but a person holding a copy of a DVD of Dirty Dancing. I shook my head and laughed before flinging the door open to find Quinn standing on the other side looking as cute as he could be.

  “You hate Dirty Dancing,” I said, resting my head on the doorframe.

  “Yeah, but I know you love it, so I guess I could endure it for you as long as it means you won’t be pissed at me anymore. And if that doesn’t work, I have a backup plan.” He held up the bag in his other hand. “Chinese food.”

  I shook my head and smiled. “Quinn, I’m not mad at you. It was just a lot to take in, and I wanted some time
to myself to let it register.”

  “Oh…so does this mean I don’t have to watch—”

  “Not a chance! You’re committed.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

  ***

  I woke up to the sound of the rain beating against the window, feeling like my mind had cleared ever so slightly. “Hey, where are you going?” Quinn tickled me as I went to get out of bed.

  “I was going to make us coffee.” I managed to get out through my laughter.

  “It’s Sunday and it’s raining, so why are you rushing to get up?” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, lifting my hair and planting tiny kisses on the back of my neck.

  “Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Lavery?”

  “Hopefully,” he replied as his lips moved down my bare back.

  I turned over and stared up at him. “Well, you’re doing a really good job.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Didn’t you get enough of me last night?” I was hoping he’d say no because I certainly didn’t get enough of him.

  “Lacey?” he whispered as his teeth gently grazed my earlobe.

  “Hmm…” My insides reached the point of no return, the same way they always would whenever he was this close to me.

  “When are you gonna learn? I will never get enough of you.” He pulled the covers over our heads, and we spent the rest of the morning making love.

  ***

  It was early afternoon by the time I showered and got myself together. Quinn had left for his parents’ to help his mother with something. He had invited me to come along, but I declined. It was still too awkward for me to be around Quinn and Camille at the same time, knowing what I knew, and wanting to be loyal to both of them. I knew that was something I needed to overcome, but for now it was still too fresh in my mind. I poured myself a cup of coffee, trying to map out a plan for the rest of the day. The piece of paper on the kitchen table caught my attention as I took a step closer to see what it was. I sighed when I picked it up to find Neil’s name and address written on it. This was Quinn leaving his subtle messages. I couldn’t blame him for trying. Taking another sip of my coffee, I picked up the piece of paper once again and stared at the words written on it for some time. Without even thinking, I headed into my bedroom and pulled down all of my old photo albums and headed out the door.