The People We Meet Along The Way Read online

  “So, is your brother married?” I asked.

  “He was for nearly two years. Theo…” She blew out a breath. “I love him to death, but he’s not husband material.”

  “Oh? Why’s that?” I asked.

  “He’s always had a bit of a wild streak, and I think him taking over to care for me when my mother passed away forced him to grow up in a lot of ways, but at the same time he had to forgo some of that time when a young guy is supposed to sow their oats and get it all out of their system. Let’s just say when he married Renata, he wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. The fact he’s a workaholic didn’t help much either. Don’t get me wrong, he’s the absolute best brother in the world, and I don’t know what I would do without him.” She took another sip of wine and appeared to be deep in thought. “Who knows, maybe now he would be a great husband too. He’s grown up a lot since his divorce.” She blinked hard like she was fighting tears. “I feel really bad that I just even said that about him. Now you must think he’s some kind of knobhead.”

  “A what?” I tilted my head and laughed.

  “What I guess I meant to say is he’s the greatest guy I know.” Her smile was genuine.

  “You know, just because he may not be husband material doesn’t mean he’s a knobhead.” I laughed even hearing myself saying a word I had no idea the meaning of, although I could presume it was equivalent to dickhead just a more proper or British way of saying it. “I believe we all go into things with the best of intentions. I often think of that line from Of Mice and Men. The best-laid plans…” I sucked in a deep breath and circled my finger around the rim of my wineglass. “We can’t all be the best of everything. Some of us make better friends, better spouses, better parents.”

  “That makes a lot of sense,” Kate whispered.

  “Yeah.” I sighed. “I was one of those people who had the best-laid plans. Turns out I haven’t fulfilled many of them.”

  She creased her eyebrows, waiting for me to elaborate. I said too much, more than I wanted her to know. But as I looked into her eyes, the same hazel green as her brother’s, I saw the empathy and understanding I had been looking for from someone…anyone, my entire life. Even Evan lacked that understanding. As hard as he tried, he just couldn’t get my intense need to want a child so badly, and the depression I’d sink into month after month when that didn’t become a reality. He never quite understood how much of a failure I felt like for that. He tried his best to comfort me and tell me he was okay with never having children, and maybe he was, but I wasn’t. Not being a mother wasn’t part of my plan. Maybe in the end it was my regimented way of thinking, my inability to deviate from the norm or what I had perceived to be the norm. Always searching for that picture-perfect life I had felt deprived of as a child.

  “Well, sometimes we’re the last people to take our own advice,” Kate said as she slid her hand across the bar and covered mine with hers. “There’s still plenty of time to achieve your goals.” Her voice had such a confidence to it that she almost made me think she might me right.

  CHAPTER 5

  IT WAS AMAZING what a good night of sleep could do for you. I felt like a whole new person when I woke up the next morning. We were loaded on the bus by 8:00 a.m. and did a two-hour group tour of Munich. It was so interesting to see some of the historic sites I learned about in history class, passing by the building where the Munich agreement was signed in 1938, and the University of Munich where the White Rose movement was born. Then stopping along the way at Nymphenburg Palace for a photo op. The elegant palace had been the summer residence of the rulers of Bavaria. Set in front of a large frozen pond as a light snow fell made it even more magical. Behind the palace was an elaborate garden I was certain was beyond gorgeous in the spring and summer months when all the flowers were in bloom.

  When the tour concluded at Marienplatz Square, some of the group stayed on the bus to venture onto the optional Salzburg tour while others got off to spend time on their own at the Christmas market. DeAndre was beyond excited to see where The Sound of Music had been filmed. I was never into the movie and really had no desire to go. Since I had done enough socializing all morning long, I stayed behind, looking forward to some alone time to mill around at all the handmade crafts and homemade baked goods.

  As I stopped at each stall, taking everything in with so many things to look at, it became almost overwhelming. The familiar scent of chestnuts roasting at a nearby stand reminded me of Christmases gone by. As I inhaled deeply, I was stabbed with a pang of hunger. The cup of coffee that had doubled for breakfast as well had worn off some time ago. The snow from earlier had completely tapered off, giving way to a bright blue sky. Unfortunately, that sunshine did little in the way to provide warmth. I zipped my coat up as far as it could go, then adjusted my wool hat, covering my ears a little better. I stood in place, trying to figure out where to grab a bite to eat when I caught a glimpse of Theo at one of the stalls. As much as I craved some alone time, I had to admit, it was nice to see a semi-familiar face in a sea of strangers. I questioned whether I should approach him for about a second, then trudged my way forward. He gave some money to the person behind the stall who in turn handed him a box.

  “Hey there,” I greeted after he was done with his transaction.

  He had a blank look on his face, and I instantly regretted my decision to approach him. “Oh…hey there…Jillian.” He immediately perked up once he realized who I was. “Sorry, different country, different people, lack of sleep…it takes my brain a minute to register.” He chuckled.

  “That’s okay. So, did you get anything good?”

  “I did.” He nodded. “Well, at least I think I did. It’s for my nephew, when he gets a little older of course. But it’s this really brilliant handmade wooden puzzle. They just don’t make things like that for kids anymore. Everything these days is electronic. It’s kinda sad, don’t you think?”

  “I do.” I nodded in complete agreement.

  “So, I guess you’re not into The Sound of Music or seeing where Mozart was born either?”

  “Afraid not. I don’t even think I’ve ever even seen the movie.” I covered my mouth. “Is that terrible to admit?”

  He chuckled. “Not at all, neither have I. My sister, on the other hand…”

  We stood in silence for a few moments as people maneuvered around us until we were in the middle of a large crowd that had assembled all looking up at the sky with their phones in hand, waiting for the perfect photo op.

  “The Glockenspiel.” Theo titled his head back and pointed up to the large clock tower that had everyone’s attention.

  How could I have forgotten? Evan had a weird hobby of collecting clocks, big, small, it didn’t matter. The more unique the better. He was fascinated by them. So, this humungous structure before us that had everyone so engrossed was one of the huge highlights for him to see during our stay in Munich. “It’s the largest one in Germany and the fourth largest in Europe.”

  Evan would ramble on while I half paid attention as I plugged away on my laptop, working on a last-minute campaign. Why did I always do that? In the last few years of my marriage, the only thing I wanted to talk about was getting pregnant, never giving much care for anything else. Instead I’d bury myself into my work, thus in turn causing Evan to bury himself further into his, then I’d have the nerve to get mad at him for it. I was such a hypocrite.

  The clock struck eleven and the music on the clock tower began to play in unison as the life-sized figures came out on display. Would this have lived up to Evan’s expectations? That was a question I’d never know the answer to, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel as if it were partly my fault. The music was still playing and the figures still moving about when I looked over at Theo, who seemed to have had his fill of the display, the same way I had.

  “I guess this is nothing when you have Big Ben just a train ride away.” I spoke loud enough over the crowd and music so he could hear me.

  “I don’t kno
w, this is pretty impressive too.”

  We stood in silence for a few moments as people passing by maneuvered around us and the music from the Glockenspiel continued to play. I tried to think of something intelligent to say, but I was coming up empty. I was never good at small talk, and I certainly wasn’t going to suddenly become versed in those few seconds under pressure. The crowd of people were closing in on us and Theo and I stepped back to break away from it.

  “So, what did you think? Were you more impressed with Big Ben…that’s assuming you saw it on your trip to London?” Theo asked as we started to walk away from the onlookers.

  I laughed as if that was a no-brainer. “Did I see Big Ben while I was in London? That’s like asking someone if they’ve seen the Empire State Building in New York. Besides, Evan would’ve never—” I stopped and cleared my throat. “Yes, I was very impressed with Big Ben.” I switched gears, hoping he didn’t catch on to the mention of someone I wasn’t ready to discuss with anyone, especially anyone on this trip.

  “How about some glühwein?” Theo asked after we took a few more steps into an opening from the crowd.

  I didn’t particularly care for the glühwein when I had tried it the first time, but I was willing to give it a second try. Theo talked me into ordering feuerzangenbowle, a glühwein but with the addition of sugar caramelized by burning rum. I only knew this thanks to Theo, who was somewhat versed in reading German. It was nice to have someone who actually could tell me the ingredients that were in what I was ordering instead of taking a chance and hoping I’d like what I ordered. I wasn’t sure if a lot of the people here spoke English as well and just didn’t like to speak it, or if they only spoke German. If they did speak English, I could kind of see their reluctance in speaking it. It’s not like we in America went out of our way to learn a different language for tourists.

  After we got our drinks, we stood around a small round bar table that another couple had just vacated. There was just enough sunlight to provide a little more warmth and I was certain the warm wine I was drinking would offer me some more. Theo and I split a Bavarian pretzel and struck up conversation like we were old friends, much like I had with his sister the night prior. As much as I craved my alone time, I also yearned for company from time to time, perhaps to keep me from being alone with my thoughts and having too much time to imagine who I should’ve been here with. So far this trip seemed to be the perfect balance.

  “Kate showed me a picture of your nephew last night. He’s adorable,” I remarked as I loosened my scarf.

  Theo’s face lit up at the mention of him. Clearly, this little boy was special to him. “Yeah, Thomas is certainly a little character. We love him to bits.”

  “It must be hard for her being a single mom and working full-time. I know a lot of women do it, but I often wonder how they keep it all together.”

  “My sister is an organizational freak. I think that helps a lot. On Sunday night, she actually has all of her clothes planned right down to her jewelry and laid out for the entire week.”

  I choked on the sip of wine I had just taken, envisioning what most mornings were like for me with clothes strewn over my cedar chest, on my bed, and on the floor as I tried to find the perfect outfit to wear.

  He held his hand up and continued. “And if that’s not bad enough, she has them on color coded hangers. A different color for each day of the week.”

  We both busted out laughing. Not that it was a bad idea by any means, but I sensed that Theo was the complete opposite of his sister and just as disorganized as me when it came to that sort of stuff. “Wow! I only wish I could be like that. Sometimes I wish I could win the lottery just so I could hire a personal assistant to organize my life.”

  “So, I take it your closet isn’t as structured as my sister’s.”

  “Not by any means.” I shook my head.

  “That’s a good thing.” We both chuckled again.

  “So is Thomas with his father while Kate is here?”

  Theo’s smile faded. “That knobhead…no.”

  There was that word again.

  “I’m not even really sure if he knows Thomas exists, and if he does, he certainly doesn’t care.”

  “That’s awful! If I were Kate, I would make sure he was providing for him financially even if he didn’t want to acknowledge his existence.”

  He shrugged and lifted his mug to his lips, taking a gulp. “He was someone my sister was enamored with for the longest time. I could always see right through him, but Kate…she didn’t want to see what I saw. They met at university. He was always around when there was nothing better to do or if someone who he deemed more important to hang out with wasn’t available. He was never there for my sister when she needed him most. I was so happy when he moved to Scotland. I was hoping that was a chapter of her life that had been closed. Then when she became pregnant, I found out he had been back for a visit and well, I suppose I don’t have to tell you how the rest of the story went. Kate claims that when she called him to let him know she was going to have a baby, she stopped herself when he told her he hoped she understood that what had happened while he was visiting was a mistake, and that he was engaged. He’s currently back in Scotland and newly married.”

  “Wow! He’s not a knobhead…he’s a dickhead!”

  “Yes, I guess as you Americans would say…he’s an absolute dickhead.”

  I was happy to see the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile once again, and for the first time, I noticed the deep dimple, not in the usual spot one would find a dimple but in his upper right cheek, closer to his nose. Like his eye, it was another peculiarity that I found added to the endearing charm he possessed.

  “Oh, I guess I got a little off topic there. So, to answer your question before I gave you my sister’s whole biography, our cousin is taking care of Thomas. Kate wanted to do this trip so badly, and…” His eyes clouded over, and I watched as he swallowed hard. Something was upsetting him.

  I knew that feeling all too well, battling in unison with the lump in your throat and the burning in your eyes. Hoping the dam wouldn’t break and expose how badly your heart was breaking inside. It was like a fragile mirror into your soul, one that you tried desperately to prevent others from looking into. One that could be shattered into a million pieces at any time, taking everything that was seen on the other side along with it by exposing every last bit of your emotions. I looked down at the table, giving him time to compose himself, hoping he’d understand I didn’t have any intention of trying to seek out and understand the pain that his eyes so blatantly reflected. It was in that moment that I realized, like me, Theo had a story inside of him. One that he wanted to keep tucked away because it was too painful to let out. The same way I had sensed it with his sister the night prior. Maybe all of us carried around some secret tale we weren’t willing to bare to each other. I liked to believe that. Not that I wanted other people to hurt like I was, but it helped to know that people were still going on with their life and making the most of it. I liked the idea of knowing that it was possible, and maybe one day the guilt and sadness I was feeling might eventually fade into the background.

  “So, Jillian, what’s your story?” Theo pulled it together, snapping right out of it, and headed into a direction I didn’t want to go.

  “My story?” Now it was me who was in an intense battle with my emotions. “Well, I work for an ad agency in Manhattan.”

  “And what does that entail?” he asked with intense interest.

  “Pitching new ideas and a lot of brainstorming, trying to get the team to realize current and potential clients’ visions. It’s a lot of keeping up with trends and marketing strategies.” I was perfectly fine talking about my job responsibilities. As long as we stayed on this line of questioning, I could talk forever.

  “Do you have any children?” And there it was. One of the questions I had hoped to avoid at all costs.

  “No,” I whispered and shook my head. I took another sip of my wine, hopin
g that would give me the courage to continue. “I always wanted them, but it just never worked out that way for me.”

  “Well, it’s not as if you’re too old to still make that become a reality. If you don’t mind me asking, how old—”

  “I’m thirty-four,” I cut him off. “And no, it will never be a reality for me. My husband passed away a few months ago and prior to that we had tried for years to have children.” I inhaled sharply, trying to register the words that had just spewed from my mouth. Words I had sworn wouldn’t be spoken on this trip. I wasn’t sure who was more in shock, Theo for being on the receiving end of them, or me for saying them.

  “Oh, geez, I’m a complete wanker for prying into your life like that. Can you please forgive me?” Theo pleaded with total sincerity.

  He hadn’t a clue about my past. Guys didn’t think about stuff like women being able to have or not have a child unless they experienced it firsthand. The average guy just thought—you have sex, you don’t use protection, you get pregnant. I wasn’t angry at him for asking. I was just more shocked over how openly I answered him. “It’s fine. Really, it is. You had no idea. Please don’t feel bad,” I reassured him. I still sensed apprehension on his face, and I wanted to make it go away. “How about another glühwein?” I asked, holding up my mug. He nodded and I gave him a reassuring smile.

  Theo and I spent the rest of the afternoon together. Turned out he was as into World War II as I was. We researched nearby museums on our phones and were fortunate to find a Third Reich walking tour run by a local tour company, so we decided on that. I had learned so much in that three hours of time. It was so interesting to lay eyes on the old building where the Nazi Party was started, which was now an Apple store. We had passed the Eternal Flame monument on our bus tour earlier that morning, but seeing it up close, it seemed to have a life of its own. It was a flame enclosed in a cage, and as our tour guide pointed out, it was symbolic of everyone living under the Nazi regime, living in a cage. We traveled through Dodger’s alley, which to me looked like any other alley until we learned the significance of the name behind it. It was a place where the citizens of Munich would go to avoid doing the required Nazi salute at the time. It was not only an informative experience, but also a sobering one.