When Autumn Ends Read online

  “Ethan!” She pulled me close and took my face in her hands. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m sorry. I know it’s late, and I should have called. I-I—” I shook my head.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around me and rubbing my back. “Come sit down.” She led me into the parlor, and we took a seat on the couch. “Did you go see him?”

  I nodded. “I told him everything I wanted to say. I was heartless. I didn’t care he was dying.”

  “Ethan, don’t beat yourself up over it.”

  “No, that’s not why I’m feeling this way. Not at all.” I paused to gather my thoughts. “I just don’t understand why that son of a bitch got thirty-three years of being an awful father to me, and I didn’t even get two of being a pretty damn good one to my son. Why, Jenna? Why does shit like that have to happen? What did I do so wrong in life to deserve this? I want my boy back. I was robbed of my childhood and then I got robbed of my fatherhood…and it hurts so bad.”

  Emotion clouded her eyes. “I know, Ethan. You’re right, it sucks, and nothing I say is going to change it or make it any better.”

  “Then don’t say anything.”

  Our heads inched closer until our lips met. My tongue found its way into her mouth and our hands moved about each other’s bodies like we were discovering them for the very first time. We stood up, removing each article of clothing from the other, slowly and methodically before easing down to the hardwood floor in front of the fireplace. Her warm, soft lips trailed down my chest and I was filled with hope that maybe all was not lost in my life. My hands combed through her long, wavy hair as she worked her way down to my inner thigh, inhaling deeply when she took me in her mouth. I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to connect with the pleasure she was granting my body for some time before pulling her on top of me. She straddled me and I eased myself inside her as I sat up to meet her. Our lips clashed while our bodies rocked back and forth in unison, each motion creating a heightened sense of fulfillment and contentment. There was no one else I’d rather be sharing this moment with. It was way too soon in our relationship to be feeling the emotions she brought out in me, but I was. She buried her head into my shoulder when we met our high together. Time seemed to stop while we remained in each other’s arms, me still inside her, and her resting her head on my shoulder.

  “Thank you,” I whispered in her ear, still trying to catch my breath. I pulled her closer, never wanting to let her go. How was it possible to need someone as much as I needed her? No one had ever put my mind and body at ease the way she could. I squeezed my eyes shut and shivered over the thought of possibly losing her someday.

  “Are you okay?” She glided her fingertips up and down my bare back.

  “As long as I’m with you, I’ll always be okay.” Resting my lips on the top of her head, I closed my eyes. “Please don’t leave me, Jenna.” My lips betrayed me, muttering the words that were on my mind, but never meant to be said.

  She moved her head back and tilted my chin, forcing me to look at her. “Hey, why would you even think that?”

  I looked away, concentrating on the dancing flames in the fireplace. “I-I don’t know.” I shook my head and then focused my attention back to her. “Because everything good in my life is temporary, and I’m just afraid you will be too.”

  “I promise you, I’m not. Please don’t ever worry about that. Okay?”

  There was no doubt in my mind that she was sincere in her words, but sometimes the best intentions veer off path, leading us in a direction we didn’t plan on taking. But as the warmth of her body meshed with mine, I wouldn’t think of what the future might hold. Instead, I’d take solace in her words, knowing she was here with me now, and in that moment, nothing or no one would ever take her away from me.

  Chapter 31

  Jenna

  I PLACED THE BREAKFAST tray I was holding on the night table and watched Ethan, so at peace as he slept. The pain he was riddled with last night seemed to have faded away, and I was hoping it would never return. I sat down on the side of the bed, and he stirred. Unable to resist any longer, I touched my lips to his forehead and his sleepy eyes peeled open. A beautiful smile stretched across his face as he gazed up at me, and I couldn’t help but smile in return.

  “What time is it?” he asked as he sat up.

  “After nine.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

  “Because you were tired, and I wanted to surprise you with this.” I got up and grabbed the tray of pancakes and placed it on his lap.

  “Jenna, you didn’t have to do this.”

  “I know, but I wanted to. Besides, I washed the clothes you had on yesterday and they’re in the dryer now. I didn’t think you’d want to walk around naked in front of the guys working downstairs.”

  He shook his head and let out a chuckle. “I suppose there could be worse places to be than trapped naked in a beautiful woman’s bed.”

  “That’s the spirt!” I laughed, grabbing a cup of coffee from the tray and taking a seat next to him on the bed.

  “So, I was wondering…after you get some clothes on, would you want to go with me to pick out a Christmas tree? I could really use your big, strong muscles to carry it inside for me.” I slid my hand down his bicep.

  “Flattery will get you nowhere,” he teased, taking a piece of pancake on the fork and feeding it to me.

  “Hey, they came out pretty good, if I do say so myself.” I rested my head on his shoulder and opened my mouth when he held the fork up to my mouth for another bite. “So, since I’m holding my breath, dying to read your story...”

  “Oh, shoot. Sorry, I kind of forgot to send the chapters to you.”

  “It’s fine. I know you had a lot going on yesterday, but can you at least tell me what it’s about?”

  “I suppose, since I made you wait this long.”

  I smiled and waited in anticipation

  “It starts out in West Africa. This American guy is backpacking there and inadvertently witnesses a human sacrifice of one of the native tribes.”

  I took a sip of my coffee and listened intently, something about this story seeming so familiar to me.

  “So, part of the voodoo of the tribe is, the last person the sacrificed person makes eye contact with will be doomed to be possessed by their spirt for the rest of their life, and it can come in many different forms—human, animal, insect. Years later, this guy is now back in the United States, and still has nightmares about what he’d witnessed all those years ago, but has moved on with his life...”

  He continued talking, but my mind was going at a rapid pace. I’d remembered a story very similar to that coming across my desk not too long ago, and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me who the author was. I didn’t want to say anything to Ethan until I was one hundred percent sure. I could have been wrong. After a while all the stories started to mesh into one, and I was hoping that was the case with this one.

  “Wow! That sounds really good.” I tried to remain as upbeat as possible. “So, how do you like my pancakes?” I asked, switching subjects.

  “They’re okay.”

  My eyes widened, and he chuckled.

  “They’re the best pancakes I’ve ever tasted.”

  “Oh no, now you’re just being patronizing.” I pretended to pout.

  “I’m being serious.”

  “Just remember, Ethan Banks, I have your clothes.” I raised an eyebrow and smirked.

  ***

  While Ethan showered, I sent Amelia a text to call me when she was available. I wanted to pick her brain and see if Ethan’s new storyline rang any bells with her. I hated to disappoint him when he was making such great progress, but if there was a similar story, I wanted him to know about it. I smiled when Ethan’s arms wrapped around my waist as I stood at the kitchen sink cleaning up the breakfast dishes. He lifted my hair and kissed the back of my neck and my insides instantly yearned for him.

  “You clean up nice.” I turne
d around to face him, running my hand along the razor stubble on his cheek.

  “So, I guess it’s official?”

  “What?” I creased my eyebrows in confusion.

  “I now have a toothbrush at your place.”

  I laughed. “Yeah, what type of relationship status would you say that makes us?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’d like to think…” He planted a kiss on my forehead. “That maybe it means you’re my girlfriend.”

  I couldn’t hold back my smile. “Ethan Banks, are you asking me to go steady?”

  He shook his head and laughed. “If this were the nineteen-fifties then yes, but considering it’s not…I guess I’m just asking you to be my girl.”

  I inched closer to him, whispering in his ear, “As long as you promise to be my guy.”

  “I think you already know the answer to that.” I looped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his. “Come on. Let’s go get you a Christmas tree before we start something we can’t stop. Something that will give these guys more to talk about than me walking around naked.”

  “Fine. You prude,” I teased.

  “Hey, I’m all up for putting on a show.” He called my bluff.

  “Let’s go get the tree.” I pulled on his arm and led him out the door.

  ***

  “And what are you planning on decorating this tree with?” Ethan asked after struggling for some time to get it straight in the stand.

  “I’m pretty sure my aunt has some old decorations in the attic, but I’m kinda creeped out to go up there by myself. Attics and basements scare me.” I crinkled my nose.

  “Let’s go, chicken!”

  “You’re my hero, you know that?”

  “And that tree is still crooked,” he replied as we exited the parlor and he stood in the doorway and looked it over. We were halfway up the stairs when his phone rang from inside his back pocket. His face paled when he pulled it out and looked at the screen. “Ah, fuck…it’s my sister.

  “Yeah, Helene,” he answered as he took a seat on the step. I wasn’t sure if I should give him privacy or be there for him, knowing more than likely the reasoning of her call. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his tone flat and listless.

  I’ll be in my bedroom, I mouthed to him and then darted up the stairs. I took a seat on my bed, waiting in anticipation for Ethan to wrap up his conversation. He’d been in such good spirts today and this was going to be another blow to him. My heart raced when I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs as my mind scrambled with the right words to say to him.

  “Ready?” he asked as he stood in my bedroom doorway.

  I nodded, wanting to ask him what that phone call entailed, but judging by his cool, calm demeanor, it wasn’t what I thought it was about.

  “Oh, yeah.” I stood up and met him in the doorway. “Is everything okay with your father?”

  “He died.”

  My eyes widened over his matter-of-fact tone.

  “Oh, Ethan, I’m so sorry.”

  He shrugged. “Don’t be. I’m not. Where’s the entrance to the attic?”

  I was speechless for a moment. I knew he hated his father, but I still thought he’d show a little emotion over hearing the news of his death. “Oh...it’s the last door on the left,” I replied, finally snapping out of it.

  He walked ahead of me, and I was suddenly filled with a sense of dread. Maybe he truly didn’t care about his father’s passing, but something told me he was burying it deep inside him with all the other pain he’d experienced in life, and it would only be a matter of time before it all came to the surface.

  Chapter 32

  Ethan

  I WANTED TO STAY WITH Jenna, but I knew I had to return for my sister. My father was to be cremated and she was going to have a small memorial service for him, which I didn’t plan on attending, but I wanted her to know I was there if she needed me for anything. I was alone again in this big, dreary house with just my thoughts—the scariest place in the world to be. Jenna was the only person who seemed to chase away the ghosts that plagued my mind, and when she wasn’t around, I was lost.

  I managed to go over the first draft of the chapters I’d finished and emailed them to her, but that was the extent of any writing that had been done in the past two days. It was only a matter of time before Edward would be on my ass once again, but my mind wouldn’t allow me to focus on anything else but the fucked-up storyline that was now my life. I looked down at the calendar on my desk and my stomach burned. Nolan would have been three years old in three more days. I closed my eyes, wondering how much he would have changed from the last time I saw him. Would his chubby little cheeks have thinned out? Would he be talking in full sentences? Would he still have the same cleft as mine in his little chin? Questions I would never know the answer to because of his bitch of a mother. I tried to bite back the anger that just the mere thought of her caused me, but it was useless. I hated her as much as I hated my father, and I was glad she was dead. I pulled the crumpled-up letter from my desk drawer, knowing the words would just add to my fury.

  My Beautiful Angel Eyes...

  I read that line over and over again, something about it seeming so familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why.

  “Ethan.” I lifted my head to find my sister standing in front of my desk. I threw the letter in the drawer and stood up to hug her. “Your cleaning lady let me in,” she advised as I pulled her closer.

  “Are you okay?”

  She nodded, but her eyes told a different story. She took a seat and I sat down next to her.

  “Did you want anything from Dad’s house?” she asked.

  “Oh...” I cleared my throat. “No...I’m good.” The last thing I wanted was any memory from that house.

  “I was hoping you would’ve come to the reading of his will this morning.”

  “What for? I didn’t want anything from him in life, and I certainly don’t want anything from him in death.”

  “Ethan, he left you a pretty sizable life insurance policy. Please don’t be foolish and just accept it.”

  “I don’t need his money.” I stood up and poured myself a drink. “Take it and put it toward the kids’ college. Josh will be in college next year, so you’re gonna have two in school next year. It will help you a lot more than it will help me.”

  “Ethan, come on! You know Tom would never allow me to accept that from you. I think he’s still mad at me for coming to you for help when he was out on disability.”

  “Why? I’m your brother. Who else would you go to when you need help?”

  “I know that, but it made him feel like he wasn’t able to provide for his family.”

  “Okay, well, this wouldn’t be for you and Tom. This is for my niece and nephew, and if I want to help them out with college then I should be allowed to.” I poured myself another glass and sucked it down.

  “Ethan, take it easy with the drinking,” Helene lectured.

  I rolled my eyes and took a seat at my desk.

  “Look, all I’m saying is, one day, you might be feeling differently about things, and who knows, maybe you’ll have children of your own who could benefit from that money.”

  My face heated and my eyes burned into her. She managed to bring up two of the most sensitive subjects to me in one sentence. “I’ll never feel any different where that animal is concerned, and I will never have any more children.”

  “Ethan, I know right now it seems like you’ll never move on, and I get that, but don’t—”

  “You get it, Helene? Really? You know what it feels like to know you’ll never see your child again because the person who was supposed to protect him and love him most decided to rob him of his life when he’d barely begun to live?” I swallowed hard, fighting with the emotions that wanted so desperately to escape me. “And I suppose you get what it feels like to blame yourself every single day because of it?”

  She shook her head and choked back a sob.

  “Don’t sit there an
d tell me how I’m going to be feeling years from now because I already know the answer to that.”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Ethan.” She wiped away the tears that were streaming down her face.

  “Wasn’t it?” I raised an eyebrow.

  “No, it wasn’t,” she whispered.

  I looked away, focusing on the picture of Nolan that sat upon my desk. “I’d give anything to have him here right now. But that selfish fuckin’ bitch made sure I suffered for the rest of my life. I hope she’s rotting in hell right next to our father.”

  Her eyes widened. “Please, Ethan, don’t carry around all that hate in your heart.”

  “I don’t have a heart anymore, Helene.”

  She stood up and walked over to where I was sitting, bending down to my level. “You do, Ethan, I know you do. Please don’t let them take that from you.” She sobbed and took my face in her hands. “You’re a good person. You’ll always be my baby brother, and I’m always gonna love you. I know you love me back, so you still do have a heart, Ethan. You still care for people and love with everything you have. You’re a good person and a great father. Nolan knew how much you loved him. He may have been just a baby, but he knew. I wish you could realize you deserve happiness. None of this was your fault. Dad, Mom, Darrah...they’re the ones to blame, not you.”

  “I just want to be alone, Helene.”

  Nodding and choking back another sob, she stood up and walked away, stopping and turning around as she reached the doorway. “I know how you feel about going to the service on Friday, but I’m asking you to come...not for him, but for me. You’re all I have left of our family, and I need you to be by my side.”

  I lifted my head but didn’t respond.

  “I love you so much, Ethan,” she whispered before making her exit.